Monday, August 23, 2010

Stress Eating

I wish I could be one of those people that when I get stressed I decide to avoid food at all costs. However I am not. It's a comfort and I enjoy it, that's one reason I got here in the first place. All this business going with my brother really took a lot from me this weekend. I am trying my best not to let it consume me, but how can you not? It has consumed my parents and I live with them. I stayed gone all weekend and that helped some on the thinking, not so much on the eating. Dinner with my wish family, drinks with J and friends and big ol' Sunday breakfast. I feel awful.

I thought it would be ok because I would be going to work out this evening but nooo I screwed up and volunteered to work this evening. I had thought that I would go to the morning camp session but completely forgot I was even coming in later so that threw a wrench in the entire thing. I re-scheduled to go on Thursday morning but I really wanted to go today because I knew it would make me feel better.

I will be running away this weekend to K's wedding. That will mostly be exciting because J and I will be driving together and coming back together, taking our sweet time on the way back.


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Ay Ay Ay

So my baby brother, the boy who can tug at my heart strings and pretty much make me want to do anything I can for him is putting himself into rehab today. :(

About 4 years ago he got entangled into a mess of meth. He and my other brother were doing this horrible nasty drug. The baby however got pulled over one day and caught with less than a gram of it. He winds up on probation. Of course because he is on probation he manages to steer clear of it for years.

Two years a go we dealt with him being placed into a jailed rehab of sorts. He was in jail but it was a section meant for young people who had been charged with a drug charge of some sort. Now he wound up here not because he failed a drug test or failed to show up for a probabtion meeting. His officer whom was the wife of a former employer didn't like him too much and she had managed to get him to sign up for this jailed program. He hadn't done drugs in years and his jail time was due to trickery so his lawyer managed to get him out before Christmas.

Push to present day. The lovely middle child managed to get his butt suspended from school about 3 months ago and he had to come home. He came home and in the brief time he was here he managed to get the baby hooked up with a meth dealer again. Damn damn damn! Three months later the baby can't shake the habit again, he knows he is in trouble. Trying a vain attempt to change his number and keep away from the riff raff, he gets desperate and goes through old phone records to find Mr.Dealer's number. So every Wednesday he meets up with his dealer, spends his money on this drug and then spends the rest of the week coming up with excuses to borrow money from friends. His friends who have no idea what he is doing as he hides in closets to perform the duty of consuming this drug. Even his girlfriend whom he spends countless hours with has no idea.

Yesterday he relays to me all of the above along with he lost his job. He had been suggested for a promotion and failed a UA, of course. The owner of the company, luckily, is his best friend's Dad. He gave him the deal of "you get help and you can have your job back." So I had to keep my lips sealed last night as he didn't want to make a huge scene with our parents. I didn't sleep worried about it all night and this morning I had the pleasure of informing my mother. She held it together. But I know she broke when I left. She had hoped this was behind us. She thought him spending time in jail was enough of a scare. And now she worries if he will be successful and what will happen when her other son returns from California.

Pray for my family.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Planning Nothing is Hard

This week I am working my 7-day rotation. That's always a very fabulous time. I look forward to the days when this rotation no longer exists, it can't get here fast enough.

My time will be spent at work and thus far the only thing on the agenda is a wine night with my Hilary. This will consist of she and I sitting around her APT sipping on some wine. My wine rack is full of colorful reds and greens and whites glistening from the kitchen window begging to be consumed. Well consume them we will this Thursday. At most I am thinking about buying some cheeses and some fruit and just indulging that way vs. making a big expensive meal.

Saturday I am supposed to be going to a fancy restaurant in Ft.Worth with my Wish Kid's family. I am looking forward to that. Her Dad is an avid photographer and actually hooked me up with a SLR 35mm. I know I know who uses film anymore?! I am just playing but I can tell he is excited that I am doing it and I have always wanted to mess around with photography and I will eventually get the DSLR.

So operation do nothing, not working out so far but at least it's only 2 adventures vs. one for every day of the week. I think my Sunday is completely free. No work, no boot camp no nothing.

I will get better at planning nothing.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

All worries come from fear

I am afraid of instability. It's the reason I plan my entire life in a little compact book and know exactly what I am doing 2 weeks ahead of time. It's why I can't make plans with friends or family without consulting the planner first. Why I constantly look for a job with better pay, having enough money is also a great part of the stability feeling. The list goes on. I unfortunately have little control over this factor, so I feel like working out is the one thing I do have control over. It might be why I am doing better at sticking with it. Since I have discovered this fear I have been trying to create stability in life and not worry about the things I can't change. Continuing to apply and seek better opportunites career-wise is what I CAN DO. Making someone hire me or give me more opportunities is something I CAN'T DO.

I have the added goal of scheduling less things also. This Thursday is the last day I am scheduled for OT in BFE. And I won't be volunteering for a while. Additionally once I have my old roomie's wedding out of the way I will be strictly protecting my free time. Now this is a huge task indeed and is for no other purpose than to protect my sanity and maybe breathe a little better. I need to quit overbooking myself. I enjoy being busy but there is a limit and there is no reason for me to be this busy. Used to I felt like if you weren't busy then you weren't being productive and that was a sign of laziness or loser-ness on some level. Now I am slowly learning that enjoying my free time is enjoying life. That is not to say I won't do anything during my free time, but just not plan for the fun as much, let it happen more naturally.

We'll see how this goes, it has never been my nature but people do have the ability to change so they say.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Can't stop talking about it

I think I must get annoying to those around me when I start talking about Boot Camp. I am obsessed. I love it so much. The weight isn't falling off like I wanted it to. But it's coming off and staying off. Before I lost like 4 lbs and it would fluctate up and down a pound or two. After losing the 8 this last month I find that I kind of haven't gone up or down AT All. Now we did take a week off in between each camp but the fact that in that week break I gained nothing, lost nothing and all I did was monitor the calorie intake and worked out a little, that was an accomplishment.

Waiting to buy the dress for Kelley's wedding wasn't an option, I found a dress on sale and it was pretty. So I tried it on and was really cute and flattering. I doubt the next 2 weeks will make that much of a difference.

I leave for California in a month. So that's one more month of working out hard. I will see my brother for the first time since April-ish and I hope that he can tell I have been working at it. It's also very exciting to think that maybe I can buy some new clothes for the trip. Man what I would give to be in a size smaller in jeans. I can't wait for that milestone. I have 1 more pound to lose and I will be at my first milestone!

I will blog about it, in efforts of not talking about it as much.

Saturday, July 31, 2010


I went for my fitness assessment this a.m. gearing up for my second month of bootcamp. Ow ow! So excited, so pumped. Everyone should do this. Anyways.

Showed up on time and got my measurements, and happy to report the following:

Before After

Weight: You don't kneed to know that. The difference of 8 lbs.

Body fat% 34.0 33.5

BMI: 32.7 31.5

Waist Line: 36 35

Hips: 45 44

So pretty happy with all that. In fact pretty proud! Then it was time to move to the fitness portion of the assesment. And the results are as follows.

34 push-ups in 90 seconds 48 push ups in 90 seconds

27 sit-ups in 90 seconds 37

Plank hold: 35 seconds 1 minute!

Obstacle course: 8:21 7:35

Month two begins on Monday and thus will start my frugal calorie intake again. I am so excited. Shooting for the full 10 lbs this month. How awesome would that be? That means that if I could keep going at about that rate by November I could be pretty much at my goal weight. I am ridiculously happy and excited. At the end of month 2 I get to go shopping for a black dress for K's wedding and I am sincerely hoping I am in a new size bracket. Anyways just wanted to update my progress!!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Some days I just don't.

You those days where you just don't. You don't want to talk, you don't want to do your duties, you don't want to dress in clothes suitable for public. You just want to exist. Watch blankly at the television or listen without really listening to some music or surf blindly on the internet for nothing. That's what I feel like at the present moment.

Anyways regarding boot camp; successfully completed one month! I loved it so much I signed up for a second month and that will start Monday!!! Woo hoo this week break was making me so nervous. I was afraid I was going to become undisciplined and go back to old habits. I did go to Sonic yesterday however I worked out with my mom and taught her some boot camp exercises. I got on the scale this morning and still not dissappointed. I lost a total of 8 lbs in a month. That is huge for me. It took me 3 months just to lose ten at the beginning of the year and I wasn't having near as much fun. I am looking at a number I haven't seen in a long time!!! In total for the year I have lost 15 lbs. There is no stopping me now! I have muscles too in my arms that I didn't have before. Yup I am becoming a machine.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I'm Pretty

I looked in the mirror this morning after wiping off the excess mascara that didn't quite wash off in the shower and thought immeadiately to myself, "I'm pretty." It was the first time in a very long time that I thought it, said it and meant it. What a very nice feeling! Maybe my transformation bootcamp really was more than just a physcial transformation. That was what Mike, our camp instructor had said in the beginning and it seems to be ringing true. I love love love how I am feeling, now if only the world could be stricken of all calories it would be joyous!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Small pet peeve

I forgot. So I can't workout tonight. :( I am very upset about it but I have an obligation that I can put off no longer. Anyways so I am talking to J about it and he is acting all disappointed and crap over me not making it tonight. He mentions the money I have spent and how it is a shame I am missing a class when it's only 3 classes per week. Blah blah blah! I mention how I am not a fan of him making me feel bad when I feel plenty bad on my own. His argument becomes I am not dissappointed in you but for you. You know I bit my tongue through that conversation. But I felt like telling him, "Who is doing this?" I am doing this and I am sure as hell not doing it for anyone else but me. And when I see him busting his a$$ in the Texas heat for even one day a week then he can give me the "Oh I am so dissappointed" speech. I don't know why but it really pissed him off. I understand he is excited that I am doing this and who wouldn't get excited about their significant other getting healthy and getting in shape. I know when he told me worked out last week I was so excited. But if he doesn't work out one day or if he doesn't eat something he is supposed to one day I am not going to say crap. He sees what I am doing, if he wants to use it for inspiration, motivation then great. But I will not do more than what I am doing unless I WANT TO! And I won't let anyone discount my efforts. Maybe I am overreacting. I will leave it. But he better keep his trap shut.

Good Morning Loves!

I am in a very good mood today. I did something I wasn't going to do until Sunday morning but I couldn't resist. Looking in the mirror the last few days I just keep saying to myself, "I look thinner." So finally I wanted to see if it was just my imagination. Nope 3 more lbs gone! So in 3 weeks I have lost 6lbs. That is a healthy drop and I am happy!!!! I am proud beyond proud. That is no pills, no taking away all the foods I love, no counting calories. Just simply eating healthy and working my a$$ off 3 days a week. I wish I could go to 4 days per week but I live to far away for that. Too many days getting home at 7:45p.m. Not doable for Maria. Anyways I signed up for the next class. I look forward to orientation for that class so I can see if I lost inches and if I have a better time on the obstacle course. For the most part I have seen a huge change in the amount of pain I have been carrying in my back. The first 2 weeks I went with very minimal pain. Now this week has been a littl different. I didn't miss the pain in my lower back at all, I have found jumping and Maria do not go together.

Getting a hold of the SPCA is a pain in the ass. I am trying to get my little darling Neutered tomorrow but they certainly are not making it easy. Anyways. Take care all!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Someone had hid the scale.

But I found it! I tried to refrain from looking, telling myself if I didn't lose anything it would be fine I am building muscle after all. Not the case, I have lost 3 or 4lbs, don't remember where I was when I started this thing, but I know I haven't seen that number in a while. I am pretty happy about this progress. It's different this time it's more exciting. With this I know it's more than just weight loss, it's toning and building muscle. I feel so welcomed there and like I am really accomplishing something in that hour. I told J yesterday, this is something I don't think I will ever be able to give up. I like it so much I want to do the 4-day a week class, but that takes out a lot of time during the week. So today I will just make sure I make it to the gym and do some cardio at the very least, I don't want to feel like I did this last Monday. This las Monday was worse than the first week, I am hoping next Monday I kick more a$$ than before.

Scrambled egg whites and turkey bacon is satisfying.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Leg cramps and unhealthy food

So working out has been pretty tough the last 2 days. J had told me it would be like his "hell week" when he used to play football. The second week of training was always harder. In light of it I have steered clear of any bad for you foods or any heavy foods. I feel like I have done pretty well this week and last week. However the first small teeny tiny piece of cake and I am sick. Booo! Then last week I had a burger and I was done with food for the night.

These leg cramps pretty much suck too. I have stretched. I have soaked, have been consuming plenty of water, the only other thing to so is just get used to it because until my body is used to it this will most likely keep happening.

But I am loving it, I swear I looked in the mirror and thought I saw abs! Hahah here is hoping!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Bootcamp Week 2

The second week of bootcamp will commence today. I do look forward to it a great deal. However I am so tired right now I can't fathom running and climbing and lifting, but I know once I get there I will kick it into gear. I am not sure what kind of results I gained last week as trainer guy, Mike, said not to pay attention to the scale too much since we are definitely gaining muscle in this training. My back hasn't been in immobile pain all week which is amazing. It hurts but it's not the "I can barely move" hurt.

Sports wasn't my thing as a child. Mom put me in swimming and jazz for a while, but those got expensive and I guess I didn't show that much interest either. Then I was on the basketball team in middle school, didn't stick with it passed that. Arts was my thing, I was in orchestra and I mentored little kids in the reading program and I was on the yearbook. So this is the complete opposite of anything I have ever put my body through physically.

I will do a better job of sticking to the meal plan this week. But all in all I think I did pretty awesome last week. The bootcamp is a good fit for me. When I was going to the gym almost every morning before work, results were happening and it was at my own hand. But when my schedule changed and a morning work out was no longer possible I was going back to lazy ways. I would get off work and go to the gym and be highly unmotivated. My main reason . . . I knew that after I worked out for an hour I would be stuck 60-90 minute traffic, just wasn't appealing. Not to mention with the lack of motivation stopping ten minutes before I was supposed to or doing one less rep on a weight machine, which is still kind of intimidating to me, was easily done. While bootcamp is self paced, meaning if I need to walk from one station to another it won't result in a man yelling in my face. It is not a Jillian from Biggest Loser type bootcamp. It is very encouraging and you don't feel like slacking because everyone is telling you good job. I don't want to be told good job for a job that is not good so I push. I really hope I get there today and tasks that were harder last week will be easier this week. Some of the ladies in the group said the second week is better, that you won't hate yourself anymore for signing up.

I have already decided to sign up for August's camp!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

First day of bootcamp down.

It was exciting, it was invigorating and it kicked my ass. They definitely preach at you to pace yourself and I feel like I did. Walking some of it and only doing 2 rounds of 1 drill instead of 3. It was a challenge and that is something I haven't done to myself physically ever. This is going to work for me! When you work out alone its easy to stop 5 minutes early because you are tired or not run the last lap because your legs are fatigued but in this group setting I can't do that. I mean I can, but if I do I look like a wimp. There are people of all shapes and sizes in there and all age groups too. If there is a 60 something man in there keeping up I think I can too. Plus I really enjoyed doing this with my co-worker. Granted she was ready to quit on me yesterday, I think she will stick with it. I pray she does at least. I have talked to other women in there who have stated they made a lot of progress even with just going the three days a week and that is highly motivating. One woman is sitting there telling me she has lost alomost 2 dress sizes in one month!!!! WTF, I would be in heaven. I pulled out my goal jeans this weekend. They are wranglers because yes I wore those from time to time back in the day. Dated the cowboy and all. I haven't worn them in at least 5 years maybe more. So that is the first goal, to get back into those. Don't be surprised if on the day that happens I come to work in my cowboy boots and my wranglers bragging. HA!

Breakfast: Scrambled egg whites with 1 tsp of american cheese and a slice of peanutbutter toast. It was yummy, hit the spot and I get a snack in about 15 minutes. This is the hardest part not wanting to munch in between meals.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Let's try this again

Never ending battle this whole weight loss thing, but new plan new ball game.

I have a work out buddy now! Yay and a trainer of sorts. I have signed up for a fitness boot camp. Excied and nervous are the combined feelings rolling around in my head right now. I always said if I had someone to push me then I would do better, I am hoping this is the push I need. I paid the money and it was not terribly much but it could've gone to any number of other things so if I don't do this then I wasted my hard earned cashola.

Assessment is on Saturday, where they will take my measurements and get us started on a meal plan. I think there is a sit-up and push-up test too. OY!

I went to the gym yesterday, I figured I should go this week and gear up for working out harder next week. Yes I understand the ridiculous thought of that statement. I just want a good month of someone teaching me what to do and then I should be good. But if I see good results, I might go for another round. There are so many promising testimonials on their website. If I lost 40lbs, I would be so stoked. That's all I want.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

What is your sneezing style?

I had to post this because it was a sparked conversation and I had to know if there was some type of scientific explaination for why people sneeze all quiet and petite while others are loud and boistrous.

Well just so you know, there is no scientific reason to back up your annoying sneeze. Most likely however it was learned behavior, your mother sneezed that way her entire life and you figured that's how you should too. Unfortunately we can't blame our mothers for all our bad habits. But unless it's been pointed to you it is unlikely you are even aware of how it comes out. I didn't realize I was a compulsive nail biter until someone in college pointed out, now I rarely do that.

There is however one hereditary sneeze. It is called a photic sneeze which is triggered by sudden sunlight. Twenty perecnt of Sweedes are photic sneezers . . . funny. It is 100 percent attributed to genes like eye color, it is not related to gender.

So if you know of a loud sneezer you might want to clue them in.


"Shooting the Breeze About Sneezing" by Patti A. Wood, a body language expert and Benadryl spokeswoman:

Trumpet Sneeze -- These people expel air almost completely through their mouths with a loud, "OOOH."

Internal Sneeze -- Nothing really comes out except an odd "ump" noise. It's a wonder their eardrums don't explode.

Big Bad Wolf Sneeze -- They huff and puff before sneezing, as if they could blow the whole house down.

The Tease -- They capture our attention and may rivet an entire room in place as they go "aahhh ahhhh," with only a tiny little anticlimactic "achoo" at the end.

Freeze Tag -- The sneezer's whole face and body freeze, perhaps for several seconds, as the sneeze builds up internally. It suddenly explodes out, animating the entire person.

Hand as Handkerchief -These sneezers let it go right into their hand. This is really annoying if they then offer their hand for a handshake.

The Coughing Sneeze -- This is a series of coughlike sounding sneezes close together without a breath.

The Shout-it-Out Sneeze -This manly sneeze is so loud it can be heard in the next state.

Cartoon Sneeze -- This sounds like a little kid sneezing. Also known as the dainty sneeze.

The How High Can You Count? Sneeze -- The sneezer that keeps sneezing one right after the other until he begins to look like Count von Count from "Sesame Street."

Spray Gun -- This sneezer makes you wish you were carrying an umbrella and wearing a raincoat.


So, what exactly is a sneeze? According to the American Academy of Neurology, sneezing is a reflex designed to protect the respiratory system.

A ticklish feeling in the nose starts a reaction that activates the nerves that make you sneeze. It's basically a really fast exhalation through the nose and mouth designed to eject offending alien objects, such as pollen or a tiny bug.


• A sneeze can throw water droplets six feet into the air at speeds of up to 100 mph. One sneeze can propel 100,000 bacteria into the air. (Be sure to wear a raincoat around some people.)

• Sneezy of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was originally to have been called Deafy, until someone, long before the days of political correctness, spotted the unconscious slur, writes Michael Barrier in "Hollywood Cartoons."

• Some people who suffer strokes affecting the medulla part of the brain lose their ability to sneeze, even though the urge to sneeze and the ability to mimic the action remains. According to a study published by the American Association of Neurology, the sneeze "build-up" was not affected, only the completion of the sneeze. The stroke victims researched recovered their ability to sneeze within six months.

According to a Benadryl survey of 547 people:

• About 45 percent said they sneeze differently in public than by themselves.

• When asked what best describes what is going through their mind when sneezing, 47 percent responded, "I hope I don't bother anyone."

• 32 percent of women hold in their sneeze

• 26 percent of women are multiple sneezers, compared to 27 percent of men

• 46 percent of men say they are "big sneezers"

Sources: "Shooting the Breeze About Sneezing" by Patti A. Wood, Benadryl spokeswoman; Hoechst Marion Roussel, the pharmaceutical division of Hoechst AG; American Academy of Neurology (AAN); Washington Post; Library of Congress; Guinness Book of World Records. Amy Hotz writes for the StarNews in Wilmington, N.C.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Friends Forever

Some friends come and go, while others they last forever. They withstand distance and long lulls in between communication picking up the phone as though no time has passed. This week was an amazing testament to that. I met Tricia Lynn Rash when we were in our Junior year of highschool. Unfortunately it wasn't until the Summer after that we truly got close. We went to yearbook camp. I know nerdy, but we were editors of our yearbook for the Senior year and that was the time we used to plan. She bunked with her best friend Stacy and I bunked with a gal named Christina. We had so much fun. It made for a fabulous foundation for our Senior year, the best year of high school. I remember those days so fondly. We spent our time after school working on that dang book making deadlines and thoroughly enjoying creating pages and writing stories and captions. Afterwards we would gather at someone's house or some restaurant and spend evenings goofing off and enjoying young life, with minimal drama. Tricia and I followed each other to college. We had made the deal that if we both got accepted into UNT then that is where we would go. I also got accepted into another school but when it came down to it, UNT was local and I had a friend. We just about killed each other the first semester our Freshman year of college. Things ironed themselves out when we started limiting our together time. We parted living arrangements after our Freshman year but remained close. I was in her wedding 2 years ago in Hawaii and she recently came for a visit. We don't talk nearly often enough, but once again even through the lulls when we finally get to catch up it is as if no time has passed at all. She has been visiting recently, as she lives in Hawaii now with her husband whom is a Marine and is stationed there. It's so reassuring to know that no matter the time or place there are some friendships that withstand.

Monday, May 24, 2010


You know all those familiar sayings, "Life is what happens while you're making plans." "God has a plan." "One door closes another one opens." The list goes on.

In recent days I have come not to hate those phrases quite as much as I used to. There was a point when those words were uttered I wanted to punch the speaker in the face. I wanted my plans to work out, I wanted to be in control of my life and it's destiny. Not that I was trying to take that out of God's hands or anything, but I always kind of thought he was ok with my plans, that they were good plans. Well every time I turn around God changes my plans. I am sure it is all for the best and that sometimes the direction you are pointed is better than the path you are on but dang it, it's hard to be patient.

I didn't get into the teaching program. There is no way of knowing why this happened, I studied very hard and honestly feel I could have studied any harder. I passed the test and I had the credentials. Literally 10 minutes prior to receiving this information I had a very good conversation with the director of our department. He gave good advice and made me feel more secure about my degree and where I could gear it in the hospital. He sees very genuine in wanting people to stay in Baylor and advancing and using the skills they have to do those things. He is very easy to talk to and made me feel confident in support regarding any opportunities that come my way. I really hope that this is the case because I am due for an opportunity.

I don't feel upset or sad regarding the happenings in the last month, with studying and it getting me seemingly no where. I have to respect the steps I take to get somewhere, they are all worth it.

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." - Shakespeare

Perhaps my doubts got the better of me, no matter how I tried to subdue them maybe they were deep seeded in my brain. Or maybe it really was just God's plan. God's plan is better than my plan, so I suppose I need to stop taking the plans I make to seriously. I need to have the faith that everything will work out for the best in the end regardless.

Wish Chronicles

I want to be sure to chronicle my Make-A-Wish experience this time around.

Nela is my new wish kid. She has been dealt an unfortunate hand and with that hand she has some limitations that have been placed on her life. This vibrant special girl once played baseball and was a cheerleader. She once went to school like her brother and sister with the ability to play with her friends and attend school field trips and the steroids she takes has caused her to gain weight. Now she is unable to play the sport she deems as her favorite and she is homebound educated.

She stays busy and connected through a lot of artistic creations as well as a blog she keeps for her classmates to comment on. She recently lost her 2 front teeth and is very proud of that accomplishment.

When I went to ask Nela about her wish she sat thoughtfully and responded with, "mmmmm I don't know." So we broke it down, asking her if she could go anywhere, have anything, be anything or meet anyone what each would be. She responded with Disneyland/world, trampoline, artist and Selena Gomez. When we broke it down and pitted each against eachother Artist beat Disneyland/world and Selena Gomez beat Artist. So her official wish is to meet Selena Gomez and I really hope we can make that happen. It is diffcult sometimes to deal with celebrity schedules in addition to working around wish kid schedules as they often have to deal with treatments etc. But I have faith in the organization I volunteer for and I know they will make everything awesome!

Everyone should do this.

Monday, April 5, 2010


Too much going on! Last Thursday I interviewed for the Dallas Alternative Certification program and after the interview she said that she was reccomending me for the program. Yay! Now I am having to prep for the TEXES which is the state board test. This is the first of two standardized tests. Seems a bit unfair that they get this process going so close to time for the actual training to start. It leaves basically no room to goof on the test. So while things are not set it is looking better for me. If nothing else I know I want to work toward this so if I bomb the test I can keep studying and try again. Standardized tests are NOT my thing. Why can't people just let me write essays for everything. That is my forte! So day after the interview . . . I am relieved its over however still very worried about the whole thing. Qustioning whether this is the right decision for me.

I mean I went to college thinking "I want to be a journalist. I want to travel the world and I want to write about things that matter. Be a vessel of information unto the masses." That's what I want to do. I have awesome research skills, the ability to work under deadline and people want to tell me things even when I don't ask. Did I mention I am nosey as hell. See to me these are the perfect makings of a journalist, a profession I still think I would be good at. However I had all these grand ideas in mind prior to ever wanting to be married or ever wanting to have kids. I didn't really think I wanted either of those things and fate liked me . . . so since fate liked me I would fall in love with a photojournalist and we would travel the world reporting together, me writing and him snapping shots. Our stories would be our children and we would write a book and live happily ever after.

Well fate had other ideas in mind. When I finally shook the lead weight of boyfriend, whom I never planned on marrying but had somehow occupied 3 years of my college career, I was free. My plans for becoming what I had always wanted to be were full fledged in motion. I interned at a newspaper, I worked 2 jobs, went to school full time and worked for the school paper as well. Looking back I have zero idea how I did it. Getting little to no sleep wasn't a big deal back then and somehow I still managed to have a social life . . . a gooood one too.

During my internship I did a series of stories on the scarcity of foster homes in North Texas. During an interview about a child's advocacy center I learned a lot and found myself in tears hurt for these children. It was then that I felt a new calling to help children. I even remember looking up the adoption website, wishing I had the means to do something for them. The spark had been ignited and while it was a low burning flame, there were a few things I had a passion for. Writing, spreading knowledge and children.

Shortly before I graduated I accidentally found myself in another relationship. After 1.5 years single I was with J. He says he fell for me because I was going to be a writer. I say I fell for him because he had his crap together already. Boy were we wrong. In the midst I graduated and there was no hot awesome newspaper job waiting. Sadness. Somewhere in there J mentioned that I should be a teacher. I don't know how he knows these things he just does, he says he has that ability. So of course since he suggests it I ignore it.

Now here I am a little over a year after I graduated and sitting here depressed and defeated. But wait hope . . . an angel! During my training, a lovely trainee told me I would make a good teacher, now since J's statement that had been told to me a few more times but my trainee saying it woke me up. I would be good at that! So my trainee finds an info session on alternative certification for DISD and now that's what I am driving myself crazy with. Tomorrow I begin test prep courses, I will be in Dallas from 7am to 915pm. Once again nothing is for sure but I like working toward a goal.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Sunday, March 28, 2010

My picky eater!

Hercules (my dog) had been sick. The vet wants to see him this Friday to ensure he is indeed getting better. But if his behavior says anything about how well he is . . . pretty sure he will pass with a clean bill of health.

So this has been a trial for me. I have a weak stomach for smells. Looking at blood, guts, poop, vomit isn't a big deal however if it smells forget it. So cleaning puppy poop has been a challenge. I try breathing through my mouth but then there is that instant that I forget and I have to walk away and come back for round 2,3,4. Yes I am cleaning the poop in stages. I am so my father's daughter, have to tell you about him changing my brother's diaper. haha.

Anyways sick puppy, the vet said feed him whatever to get him to eat. Vet said livers were good to get his platelet count back up, he likes livers but it doesn't come out so great in the end. After a few days of liver we decided to switch it up, tried canned chicken. Nope he wasn't a fan. Dad tried some left over Rotisseree Chicken, yup that's the stuff. Hamburger meat, pretty good too. It's been a week of us cutting these foods into small pieces and heating them up. In Petsmart yesterday I was just looking at some puppy foods that are actually meant for dogs and ended up talking to an associate there. I told her I was concerned he wouldn't want any of this stuff after getting the gooood stuff for so long. She made a suggestion and it sounded really great, salmon chicken and something along with like blueberries and pomegranate for antioxidants and some other fabulous sounding stuff. She said they guarantee it for picky eaters or you can bring back the can and they will refund it.

I brought it home poured half into his bowl at dinner time. Nope, not guaranteed on MY dog. He went back to playing and my Dad suggested that damn Rotissere Chicken again, we only had a little left but I cut it up, heat it up and put it by his bowl. Hercules immeadiately gobbled it up, no problem leaving the fabulous can of fancy in his bowl untouched. Next went a mixture of scrambled egg and some boiled chicken, not as good as Rotissere but he ate most of it. I am in big trouble people. Big big trouble. Spoiled little munchkin.

I'm a dog owner . . . how did this happen?

My love for animals has been mediocre, growing up we ALWAYS had animals (my mother was always the child bringing home the strays and it never ended) but they were just there, I never fell in love with them, helped take care of them and went about my business. Through my life we have owned dogs, iguanas, turtles, fish, an African Grey Parrot, (who could say "Maria, Maria shut up," I think he was getting me confused with my brother)and Cockatiels. Then they moved to a farm and acquired horses, a donkey, goats, sheep, and chickens I think that's it. So while I have been absolutely surrounded by animals they just really were never my thing.

Except for somewhere in my adolescence I fell in love with Labs. I had a friend whom I picked up for school and dropped off after school. She had a Lab named Bucky and he was so cool, he was older so he was more calm, but his demeanor was mellow and friendly all at the same time. Somewhere in there I decided I would have a dog like this someday.

My mom now breeds labs, a breed we wouldn't have owned if I hadn't told them for years that they were awesome dogs, I encountered more Labs after Bucky and it was confirmed they were still awesome! We got a Lab/Golden Retriever mix and he was amazing and we aquired a Chocolate Lab and then a female Lab and that's it done. We are currently on our 3rd litter of puppies, keeping one from the last litter. I should mention the reason we kept Luna (adequately named for 2 reasons, she is white like the color of the moon which is Luna in Spanish aaaaannnnd she is looney! Looney Luna) is because she had a little skin tag on her ear and it had been mentioned a few times by customers so feeling sorry that no one would want her for something so stupid we kept her. Her ear grew and the skin tag is gone by the way. We meant to keep one from that litter so it's not like we got suckered in. Now on this 3rd litter all dogs must go! Except for one problem, the runt got sick. After a couple of weeks of having less of an appetite than his piglet brothers and sisters and being lazier than the rest mom took him to the vet.

He had Ehrlichia, contracted from a tick?! Either he got bitten or his mama got bitten, but he got started on antibiotics right away. He was so sad and it made me want to cry every time I saw how small he was in compared to his siblings. He somehow became my baby. I told my mom regardless if he made it or not, he was mine. I think somewhere in the back in my mind I must've thought he wasn't going to make it because surely I didn't voluntarily sign up for this! Oh but I did. I named him Hercules because he needed a strong name. And waited a few days to see if the medicine was working. He slept a lot, I carried him a lot, because he wasn't supposed to get tired or stressed and he slept in my parents' room. Well almost a week later he is all puppy, and a spoiled one at that. I am cleaning up messes, cutting up Rotissere Chicken, heating it up and putting it in his bowl. I am sitting in the floor with a stuffed toy dragon pretending I am attacking so he will "slay the dragon." Yes I signed up for this. He seriously wears you out. Hercules is mine, he will live with me while I live at home and then after I grow up he will leave with me. Justin is excited eventhough he wants to change his name. But he has been called everything in the world but his name the last few days . . . little bit, munchkin, dumpling, scuttle butt, and my baby so he can stay Hercules because I am sure when he isn't as freakin cute anymore his name will most definitely evolve.

I'm a dog owner and I couldn't be happier!

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Hello all, all two of you that actually read and comment that is.

Just fyi everyone should run away!!! When life get's mundane, boring and it feels that the light at the end of the tunnel has burned out . . . run AWAY! I know some psycho-something somewhere probably says running away doesn't solve anything, which is true, but it certainly puts things in perspective again. While you are at it, read a book about some person who was down on his/her luck and made it out better than they started. True stories are pretty damn inspirational.

I ran away to Seattle last week and it was the best thing I have done since I graduated college in December of 2008. It was only a 4 day trip and we didn't fit in all the sights we wanted to but it was sooooo awesome.

First off Seattle is a different place from Dallas all together. I've been advised, "M, no matter where you go it's going to seem new and exciting beause you have never been there before, you have the same things here you're just used to them." But it was different! The vibe the city gave off was calming and creative and it was right by the water. I have a thing about large bodies of water, there is no better place on earth where I can collect my thoughts and feel like I can breathe and that's all there is to it.

H and I visited our other bestie L. These girls have been with me through the better part of our college years and besides my degree and my amazing bf, those two are the best things that came out of that experience. I love them and the three of us let loose on another city could've been dangerous, but hey we've grown, we've matured . . .no need to alert the police to be on stand by. We visited Pike's Market and I smelled fresh bouquets of flowers mixed with salty seafood and coffee and baked goods . . . good God, heavenly. H and I sat in a coffee shot for an hour and sipped spicy Aztec coffee and watch a interesting musician outside playing guitar in the street along with his own personal dancer. I met H through L, so L and I have always been naturally closer, she was the link for us. But L left us for Seattle and so H and I, I feel have been building a stronger relationship. She and I shared some gluten free meals together because in Seattle there are gluten free menus everywhere which is perfect for H bc she has Celiac Disease and it's impossible to find any place that caters to her here in DFW.

I did a lot of reflection and a lot of pondering, realizing that I have amazing talents I am wasting feeling sorry for myself that life hasn't turned out exactly as planned. But it still turned out! I have best friends, amazing ones that regardless of where we live and how long we go without chatting we will still be BEST FRIENDS. I have acquired the love of my life and while he is a monumental pain in the a$$ some of the time, he is the most supportive and loving individual I have ever encountered. My family is odd and they can drive me insane, but push come to shove they are there for me, even the bro that doesn't like me too much . . . pretty sure he would donate a kidney if I needed it.

Look out people bc M has a lot in store coming up soon and it's gonna be fabulous!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My wandering thoughts... How to make Soy Milk?

Soy Milk

Don’t know if you’ve ever tried it, but it’s pretty tasty in my opinion. Now you can’t go into drinking it think it will taste like milk because it doesn’t. It has milk-like properties, it has a milk consistency and a milk color (unless it’s flavored soy milk), it tastes good over cereal or with some cookies and it provides you with some pretty awesome nutrients. It’s a perfect supplement to our vegans out there or those of the lactose intolerant kind. There are tons of products out there which claim fame to soy. So how does soy which is a bean turn into these products? Specifically milk?

I am relying on and Wikipedia to break this down for me. eHow c claims you can do this at home just FYI.

How Soy Milk is Made . . . Basically
Soy milk is made from soybeans. Approximately one pound of soy beans will make one gallon of soy milk. The beans are placed in a container with enough water to submerge them. They are to be soaked for at least three hours depending on the temperature, the colder the water the longer the soaking. The soaked soy beans are then sent through the grinder, an electric blender should do. The resulting mush is then boiled. It is boiled for a few reasons; heat destroys protease inhibitors which are naturally present in soybeans. Our pancreas naturally secretes proteases to digest a protein meal, eating raw soybeans on a regular basis causes the pancreas to hyper secrete, leading to benign tumors of the pancreas. Heating also improves flavor and sterilizes the product. When they say it improves the flavor, it’s like most things, we Westerners don’t like the original harsh or different flavors so we lighten or sweeten it up. Boil for 15-20 minutes and then strain out the pulp. Boiling the pulp after filtration is the Chinese method, as opposed to the Japanese method which boils first and then it’s filtered. Boiling first avoids the problem of foaming. Soy milk is then poured through a press fitted with a filter to press the milk from the soy bean pulp. And there you have it soy milk. Obviously packaging is a whole other

Soy milk has nearly the same amount of protein as cow’s milk. Natural soy milk contains little digestible calcium as it is bound to the bean’s pulp, which is insoluble to humans. Many manufacturers will enrich their products with calcium carbonate. Unlike cow’s milk it has little saturated fat and NO CHOLESTEROL!!!!

The above are the results of a random thought I had while driving.

Introducing Maybe I should know this . . . but I don’t or Things in my wondering mind.

I haven’t decided which one I will call it but I go through my days and these random things that I don’t know anything about will seep into my mind. I was told by a wonderful journalist to jot those wonderings down and do my own research and write about it. So hence the following on the differences between milk. I know random but hey I wondered.

There used to be a battle that occurred weekly upon my mother’s arrival home from the grocery store. “Why did you buy skim milk, it tastes like water,” my dad would gripe. We had been a 2% family my entire life, it’s what the pediatrician told my mother during my childhood that we should drink 2%. Many years later my mom would try to change it up, us trying to be health conscientious and watch calorie intake skim became the desired calcium beverage of choice. My mom finally waved the white flag and buys a half gallon of skim and a half gallon of 2%. So it got me to thinking where does this percent stuff come from. And the answer is . . . percentages refer to the amount of fat left in the milk. Ta dah! That’s it nothing fancy nothing complicated.

Whole milk is about 3 ½ percent fat.

Skim, Fat-Free, or Nonfat Milk by U.S. Law must contain less than ½ percent fat.

Low-Fat Milk- two types; 2 percent and 1 percent milk which once again only refers to the percentages of fat left in the milk.

Which all brings me to Soy Milk. What the heck is it exactly? How is made? Is it good for you? Next time.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Attitude Goes a long way

This has been the most trying 3 weeks ever!

In my adventures as a trainer at my job I have encountered a different personality than I have ever encountered. Now mind you I have trained a few different types of people, one who has pretty much become my best friend and whom I believe I was related to in a past life. One who was deemed over confident right off the bat, but really was just that quick. Another was quiet and very estudious, another whom had never done this before but managed to learn this job anyways, another was just pure angel and I loved her. But now I have been thrown one I can't quite make out. Initially it started . . . I knew she was not cut for this job and I should've gone with that gut instinct first. But she was doing the job well, getting the applications, answering all my quiz questions correctly, and generally understanding the job. However apparently how our policies, procedures, and how we handle certain things is just "bananas" (her words not mine). Ok I don't make the rules I just ENFORCE them!!!! What am I supposed to say, "Yea I know it doesn't make sense, yea I know it's inconsistent, just do it!" Well that's what I want to say and in a round about way I do. Her attitude amazes me. When you are in training, in my opinion you don't piss off your trainer anymore than you would your boss. You're in the first days at a new job aren't you supposed to still be in the "impressing us" stage? I have trained people who weren't perfect in the applications, they didn't get the answers right all the time but they had a good attitude and they eventually got. Perhaps they weren't stellar but they got it and their positive attitude carried them to fly on their own. It just goes to show that regardless of how good you are your job, regardless of how perfect your perform, if you don't have a good attitude and you don't appreciate your job and those around you . . . you won't make it in this job or in this life. And remember one bad apple ruins the whole bunch.

I have loved this forever

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

translated by W.S. Merwin

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I am a humanist!

I am not religious. I am not political. However I believe in God and I believe your vote counts. I don't like the fact that my tax dollars pay for women who irresponsibly pro-create and can't pay for their own children. But I don't mind my tax dollars paying for the lives of those hurt by the earthquake in Haiti or the Hurrican victims in New Orleans. I'm a product of a mexican father and an United States-ian mother. My skin is ghostly white from October through April and a bronzy brown the rest of the year. I am a female and proud of the independencies I have because of actions made by the women before me. But above all else I am a human first.

When I die it will not matter what I bought or where my money went. It won't matter that I was conservative or liberal. All that will matter is the impact I have left on others. I find it hard to contend with individuals who would rather cast off a less fortunate individual because they weren't "here" first. Will it matter when your body has decomposed that you helped build walls to keep the less fortunate out or will it touch someone to know that you're the reason their father, daughter, brother, and aunt continue to live? And not in poverty but in humane conditions. It amazes and astounds me that making sure a child has food and isn't hungry doesn't warm the hearts of all people. That they feel burdened some how that those children will eat. Will you not have dinner on the table this evening if someone from one of these poverty ridden areas get a meal themselves?

I know I know they're sponging off the government. Why should you have to work so hard to scrape by and things just get handed to them? Because you weren't hit by an earthquake! You weren't born into a country where the economy is well below poverty and the government is 100% corrupt. Lucky you! I'd rather these people receive the benefits of my hard earned money then lay in the streets starving to death. Anyone who feels differently ought to re-think where their eternity lies and if they don't care about where it lies than good riddens we can cease listening to your opinions and breathe a sigh of relief that redemption won't fall on your soul at the end of your journey somehow allowing you to enter into the after life because I'm not sure if I would welcome your company.

I am a natural born citizen of the United States of America and my great grandfather and uncles fought for this country. My father entered this country by "unique" means and because of that, many might deem my existence illigitimate. I don't feel less inclined to be kind to my fellow man because of ignorant and closed-minded people inhabitating this earth. No, I pray and hope that my attemtps to be caring and helpful will grant my soul peace and if there is a life after this I will be granted access and be rewarded for not being a female or mexican-american or democrat, but for just being human.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Don't forget . . .

Check my writing blog every once and again and give me feed back on my postings there too. Thanks!


Hip hip hooray, all the early morning workouts have paid off. I have officially lost 10 lbs. What?! I am beyond excited, beyond proud! I have 10 more to go before I leave for Seattle. The I will buy me some new clothes while I am there. Hello Lauren's discount at White House Black Market!!!

If the scale god's want to continue to be kind then I will actually meet my goals by the time this 100 day challenge is done. I have some mini goals. And it doesn't hurt that people are starting to notice and comment also.

It is going to be a challenge to get to the gym by 5am instead of 6am, with my new work schedule. I might have to work out some days after work which is difficult for me because when I am done with this place I want to run far far away.

Another person will be training with me on Wednesday which I won't lie, messes me up a lot on my routine and such. I have to pay attention to them rather than paying attention to eating this at this time and a snack at this time etc and I often forget to take my medicine, which is not good. But I'll do my best. Like I said 10 lbs my March 16. Then 18 by the end of April, whenever we finish this 100-day challenge at work. Then at least 8lbs by Wish Night in May. Then I have all the way until August to be exactly where I want to be for K's wedding. Look at me go people!

Friday, February 5, 2010


Friend of mine is starting a business.

Cakes, Cookies, Pies and More!


her website is coming soon.

I can attest to her awesome coconut buttercream icing cupcakes. Amazing!

I like this . . .

It's a long read but a good one. At least I enjoy it.

I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren’t true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they’re true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen-I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone’s ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we’ll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind’s destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it’s aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in a box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time (although if they don’t ever open the box to feed it it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn’t done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what’s going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, a baby’s right to live, that while all human life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.

by Neil Gaiman

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Making it through

This was not a week of sabatoge! Yet the scale was not as giving as I would have liked. I gained nothing. I also lost nothing. But I suppose that is better than nothing. I ate out once, it wasn't the best meal on the menu I could've chosen. It consulted of eating half a cheeseburger and fries, which I split with a friend. Feeling absolutely miserable I decided not to do that again. Well last night for dinner my dad made Lengua tacos. They were delicious, and I had 4. They were the small corn toritilla tacos, not big burrito type things ok. I was good and full after that. However it just stayed with me too long. Coming to the conclusion, beef is rebelling against me. Lame! So steering clear of such this week all together. I even told J please don't make anything heavy for dinner tonight. He loves to cook and he loves to do special meals when I go over, but no big meals. Honestly a bowl of cereal would suit me just fine tonight.

Gonna boost up my game at the gym this week, heading there after work and plan on being there every morning this week. That scale better give it up damnit! I have a good month and a half to lose at least 10 more lbs before I leave for Seattle. Which reminds me I need to buy tickets. I discussed buying a "goal dress." A dress I can wear once I reach my goal. But I have decided against that. In May I will either be shopping for a new dress to wear to Wish Night or having one of my old dresses from one of the many weddings I've been in altered. *crossing fingers* August is Kel's wedding and I have to get a black dress to wear since I am in the wedding party. Here is to toned arms, flatter stomach and an incredible ass! Will work on the boobs later on down the road. Figure I will throw that on top of the student loan debt after I have had children. Ha! Ha!

Finally figured out J's 30th Birthday plans. I have been through a million and one ideas making it exceedingly difficult. Its hard when you bf is past the stage of going out but he still likes having a good time with friends, but you don't have a space big enough to just throw a party, ugh I can't wait to have a house someday. I can just make dinner and invite people over rather than trying to figure out where the hell to go. Sending out the facebook invite this week hopefully all can attend and he will be happy. He should be happy because I am getting his dang XBOX fixed. Not the best present in the world but what do you want we have 2 yr anniversary 2 days after his bday. Yea we planned that well. Just like my Birthday is 13 days before Christmas. At some point we're gonna have to remedy these events.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Miss Me Yet?

Hello happy people! Are we happy today? I am!

Put on my clothes this morning and there was a noticeable difference in how they fit. Its hard to tell when you wear scrubs all week if you're losing or not. The scale has been kind too. Says I lost 7 lbs so far. I hope it gives me good news this weekend when I do my weigh in for the week. I find this working together at work business has been a blessing. Still no real eating out unless you count subway and no bringing in bad for you foods. Decided wolfing it on the treadmill was the way to go for me. I did that yesterday and my abs, my legs and ass hurt. Whee, its some major pain! Just a thought. They should really make some underwear that eliminates booty sweat! Just sayin'

I am excited about some upcoming events. Today I get to go to my first meeting for Wish Night. Wish Night is Make A Wish Foundations, big fundraising event they do each year. One of the many reasons I am having all this incentive to lose weight. Thennnn there is a Society of Professional Journalists conference this month that will provide information and networking opportunities. Annnnd I am going to an informational meeting about working for DISD and them paying for your teaching certificate. I am really hoping something comes of that. I hear DISD can be rough and typically they make you sign to teach in their school district for 2-3 yrs. But I feel like I have something to offer in that realm, and am confident that I could handle it. I need to get my foot in the door.

My problem is I have too many things I would like to do. And I have been trying to narrow them down so I can be more productive in making those things happen. I want to write in any capacity really. I would love to be a teacher, I think I would've been really good at that. Then there is anything non-profit relation to children. Oh and event planning, primarily weddings. See what I mean!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Good Morning People

I will try to be diligent about continuing to write. But I have a trainee that will start this morning and it seems that my time will be taken up during the next three weeks. Sorry guys the price I pay for being so awesome at my job. HA! HA!

This morning was dreadful to try and wake up this morning. Didn't hit snooze but I surely wanted to. Stupid J keeping me up late talking. He was in a retardedly goofy mood last night, it was borderline annoying. Anyways so went to the gym and I am curious as to whether all machines accurately tell you how many calories you are burning. When I spent 45 minutes on the elliptical yesterday with arms I burned 455 calories, put in my weight and age and that. Today I rode the bike for 30 minutes and burned 244 calories same deal. However riding that bike burned my thigh muscles like you wouldn't believe. Where working on the elliptical got my heart rate up and I could tell it gave me a good cardio work out. I don't it deserves some research but not today.

This week has already been slightly worse than last week. I ate out twice. You already know about my trip to heaven, but then last night I had Lobster Ravioli. It couldn't be avoided it sat their on the menu taunting me and it was dinner with my old roomate. Great conversation needs great food . . . right! I am so proud of my old roomate she got an internship with Tom Landry for cardiac rehab. She is getting her Masters, sometimes I really think I should go back and do that for real.

My old roomate's wedding is Aug. 28 and I am in the house party. Surprise surprise Maria is in another wedding. But it is incentive for more weight loss. I could lose a lot by then. I lost 4 lbs at my weight in this week and I won't weigh in again until Monday morning. I can only hope I am as successful this week. I would like to lose 10lbs by the time I go to see my doctor next month. Weight is something they always mention at every yearly visit and with the my bp as it is here lately I need to show her that I am trying.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I found Heaven today!

Thats right, I used to know of a place like this. A place that breeded creativity and relaxed me and made me feel as if the rest of the world didn't exist. A place where I could do what I loved for as long as I liked and no one would ridicule or make me feel any less responsible for doing it. A place with the kinds of distractions I liked. Low music playing in the background. Good music at that! Oooh how appropriate Belinda Carlisle's Heaven a place on earth is playing. Me likes.

Its a coffee shop people. And I don't think you all realize how much I seek little mom and pop shop places for coffee and wifi. In Denton they were all over the place and it was impossible to not find a place to write. Of course then I was writing for the paper and my creative stuff rarely got onto the screen. BUT NOW! As part of my New Year's resolution to write, here I am.

I was sick yesterday. Awful in bed sick all the live long day. Think of the worst possible headache on the top of your cranium baring down and trying to squash your brains to smliterings! Something like that. The when I finally got up and ate something I threw it up. Don't know what that was about. Anyways my blood pressure was up all weekend and to be honest the headache had come and gone since Thursday. So going to work and being yelled at by mean callers was not something I thought was in the best interest of my head or my bp plus I still wasn't sure what food would do to me the next time around. So I sucked it up took and occurrence and was a bum most of the day. Went to the doc and they will be increasing my bp medicine. Yay increase dosage of bp medicine at 25. Got to love it! Then I took my happy self to dare I say this out loud where my co-workers can read . . . coffee shop. Spoons cafe to be exact. I had a BLTA and potato soup. And this was not just any BLTA the Bacon was thick and of the applewood sort and the lettuce was crisp with tomato thin and the avacodo fresh! The soup had crumbled of bacon and cheese in it. Not sure how good an idea it was for the diet. But I don't give a flip, it was goood. The just as I was leaving the beautiful waiter who kept calling me sweetheart and I swear he was flirting with my eyes. Well this blonde cutie directed me where I sit currently. He told me it was more comfortable and had free wi-fi. The restaurant and coffee shop owned by the same peeps. And let me tell you this jasmine tea is divine and there is a strawberry cupcake calling my name loudly. God I want it! Not gonna give in though.

My book is about to break 1,000 wds, now that is nothing but its the most I have accomplished in months.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Helpful YAHOO Health

This was featured on Yahoo Health's page. Just good info.

Top Weight Loss Foods for 2010By David Zinczenko, with Matt Goulding - Posted on Tue, Jan 05, 2010, 10:05 am PST

Eat This, Not That
by David Zinczenko, with Matt Goulding a Yahoo! Health Expert for Nutrition
Visit Nutrition Home »

More By This Expert
Top Weight Loss Foods for 201014 Best Restaurant Survival Secrets6 Worst Fast-Food Burgers (and What You Should Eat Instead!)
All Blog Posts

If you're like most Americans, you've gained about 5 pounds since Thanksgiving. Each small holiday-season indulgence may have seemed like no big deal at the time, but added all together, they created the perfect storm for a juggernaut of jiggle. Don't believe us? Consider the caloric damage of typical holiday activities—weekly parties, with buffet tables lined with goodies and treats; cookies and cakes delivered by your well-intentioned neighbors; and seasonal beverages, from holiday lagers to rum-spiked eggnogs, that had you washing down those hundreds of extra calories with, well, hundreds of extrea calories. It’s no wonder Baby New Year always makes her debut toting a gargantuan gut!

In 2010, vow to eat better—not less, just better. Add these 9 best foods for weight loss to your daily (or weekly) diet, and watch as the pounds melt away. The best-selling weight loss series Eat This, Not That! shows you how to make a weight-loss resolution worth sticking to.

Full-Fat Cheese
This dairy product is an excellent source of casein protein-- one of the best muscle-building nutrients you can eat. What's more, Danish researchers found that even when men ate 10 ounces of full-fat cheese daily for 3 weeks, their LDL ("bad") cholesterol didn't budge.

Bonus tip: See which cheese won the distinction of “best” in the annual 125 Best Supermarket Food Awards.

Pork Chops
Per gram of protein, pork chops contain almost five times the selenium--an essential mineral that's linked to a lower risk of prostate cancer--of beef, and twice that of chicken. And Purdue researchers found that a 6-ounce serving daily helped people preserve their muscle while losing weight.

Ice Coffee
Coffee reduces your appetite, increases your metabolism, and gives you a shot of antioxidants. A study published in the journal Physiology & Behavior found that the average metabolic rate of people who drink caffeinated coffee is 16 percent higher than that of those who drink decaf. Caffeine stimulates your central nervous system by increasing your heart rate and breathing. Honestly, could there be a more perfect beverage? Plus, frequent mini servings of caffeine (8 ounces of coffee or less) keep you awake, alert, and focused for longer than a single jumbo one would, according to sleep experts. When you quickly drink a large coffee, the caffeine peaks in your bloodstream much sooner than if you spread it out over time. Start your day with an 8 ounce coffee (the "short" size is available by request at Starbucks). Or, ask for a large half caf. Then keep the caffeine lightly flowing with a lunchtime cappuccino (it's got only 75 mg, which is about one quarter of what you'd get in a 16 ounce coffee).

Bonus tip: Don't derail your diet. See our indespensible list of the 20 Worst Drinks in America.

In a recent study, Louisiana State University scientists discovered that people who ate half a grapefruit three times a day lost 4 pounds in 12 weeks, even though they hadn’t deliberately altered any other part of their diets. Although the mechanism isn’t clear, the researchers speculate that grapefruit’s acidity may slow your rate of digestion, helping keep you full longer.

Turns out, an apple a day may also keep the extra weight away. Penn State researchers discovered that people who ate a large apple 15 minutes before lunch took in 187 fewer calories during lunch than those who didn’t snack beforehand. (The apples had around 128 calories.) What’s more, they reported feeling fuller afterward, too. Sure, the fruit is loaded with belly-filling fiber, but there’s another reason apples help you feel full: They require lots of chewing, which can make you think you’re eating more than you really are, says study author Julie Obbagy, Ph.D.

Skip the cold cereal: Eating eggs and bacon in the morning can help you control your hunger later in the day. Indiana University scientists determined that dieters who consumed their biggest dose of daily protein at breakfast felt full longer than those who ate more of the nutrient at lunch or dinner. The upshot: “They were less likely to overeat the rest of the day,” says study author Heather Leidy, Ph.D. To fend off hunger, shoot for at least 20 to 30 grams of protein at breakfast.

Bonus tip: Just because it’s made with eggs doesn’t make it good for you—see our worst omelet in the list of 20 Worst Restaurant Foods in America 2009.

If you're not a legume lover, consider this: In the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, scientists found that people who consumed beans were 23 percent less likely to have large waists than those who said they never ate them. The bean eaters in the survey also tended to have lower systolic blood-pressure measurements, says research Victor Fulgoni III, Ph.D. Legumes are rich in belly-filling fiber as well as potassium, which helps fight hypertension. Aim for half a cup of cooked beans 3 or 4 days a week.

Fish isn't just good for your heart; it's good for your gut, too. That's because omega-3 fatty acids help you feel full longer, report scientists from Iceland. In the study, dieters who ate salmon felt fuller 2 hours later than those who either didn't eat seafood or had cod, a fish with little fat. The researchers found that eating foods high in omega-3s (like the ones to the left) increased blood levels of leptin, a hormone that promotes satiety. Hate fish? Take a fish-oil capsule every day - one that has 500 milligrams of the omega-3s DHA and EPA. It offers the same benefits as salmon.

Instead of fruit juice, reach for moo juice in the morning. Drinking milk at breakfast can help you eat less at lunch, Australian scientists say. In their study, overweight people who downed about 2 1/2 cups of skim milk in the morning consumed 8.5 percent fewer calories at an all-you-can-eat lunch spread than people who drank the same amount of fruit juice. Both beverages had an equal number of calories, but the milk contained 25 grams of protein while the fruit juice had virtually no protein and 63 grams of sugar. Those may be big servings, but the principle remains: Protein helps you feel fuller throughout the morning.


I Turned Down Cake!

It was carrot cake, and I lied and said I didn't like it but honestly it was the perfect cake to be ordered this time of year so close to what would've been my grandpa's 63rd birthday. It was his favorite cake, but my grandpa died from causes all related ultimately to obesity. Granted his direct death was malpractice but he wouldn't have ever been in the hospital having triple bypass surgery if he has been taking care of himself. That being said. I turned down cake!

I'm proud of myself. And then I passed by the room where the cake remains and no one was around and I still didn't give in, just kept walking. Popped some of my Extra Fruit Sensations gum that is supposed to be good for snack cravings and ta dah! That much closer to getting out of here and working out!

Got the Beach on My Mind

I listen to country music. I was born and raised in Texas. Once upon a time I fit into wranglers and will get there again. I own 3 pairs of cowboy boots and have been thrown from a horse. Thats right this city girl is a little bit country. So listening to my country music this morning and this song comes on by the Zac Brown Band. Now even J likes the Zac Brown Band, probably because they're from Georgia. Anyways the song's chorus is below.

Got my toes in the water, ass in the sand
Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand
Life is good today. Life is good today.

Adios en vaya con dios
Yeah I’m leaving GA
And if it weren’t for tequila and pretty senoritas
I’d have no reason to stay
Adios en vaya con dios
Yeah I’m leaving GA
Gonna lay in the hot sun and roll a big fat one
And grab my guitar and play

There is a lot more to the song with lines like:

But the plane brought me farther.
I’m surrounded by water
And I’m not going back again

Because my bartender she’s from the islands
Her body’s been kissed by the sun
And coconut replaces the smell of the bar and I don’t know if its her or
the rum

Has me in the mood to be on a beach somewhere getting my tan, drinking my beer and listening to the waves. Makes me want to cry when I think about the stinkin cold outside. Thats ok soon I will have the beach body to along with me the next time I go. Since I have plans to see a friend in Florida hopefully in April. Hopefully I have lost the 28 lbs I hope to lose by then.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I Hate Carrots

I just can't stand them and I especially can't stand them here lately because I will read these health tips that read: Instead of eating chips with your sandwich have some carrot sticks, they're crunchy and low-cal. I tried guys just can't do it. Yesteray I had some and they just are bland and tasteless and its just an overall gross vegetable. I even cooked them last night in a stir fry and I found myself parting them from the rest of the meal , by the end there was a little pile on the corner of my plate. So nooooo carrots. Down with carrots! I left the carrots for J and he ate them happily. He said I am weird because I don't like carrots but like mushrooms . . . uh fail to see the comparison. Its just cause he doesn't like mushrooms. He's weird. However he made me the most bestest salad today, it was freakin yummy. The incredients included; shredded cabbage with almonds, toasted sunflower seeds, broken up uncooked ramen noodles, la choy rice noodles, and this phenomenal dressing. The only part of the dressing was olive oil, vinegarette, and the seasoning from the ramen noodles . . . thats all I know. I nearly ate the whole thing and he made a lot.

I did make it to the gym this morning at 6:15 a.m. I stayed up too late for that business, so when I finally got in there and on that elliptical I didn't not burn what I should've in 45 minutes. Total of 365 calories should've been closer to at least 400. So taking a break this evening as I think I will go back tomorrow but I need some recover time for sure this evening. Gonna go home and stretch really well. We used some free weights in the office today and a resistance bands that one of the girls brought. (Thanks K!)

We all joined the 100 day challenge, all of 1st shift except our little pregnant lady joined. Its fun to know we are all on the same track and helping each other by being on the same team for once. I can't tell you how often I have been trying to lose weight and then someone brings in something decadant and amazing that I can't pass up. That has happened a whole lot less since we have moved into the new office. But this time it should't be a problem. I am excited!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Where the Pretty People Go

My alarm sounded at a beautiful 5:30a.m. and it was not nearly as painful as I thought it was gonna be. I jumped out of bed threw on my sweat pants and t-shirt and grabbed my stuff and down the road I went to the GYM! Traffic was not much better than it was when I normally travel so about an hour later I finally met my destination.

Walking into the gym that early felt weird, I thought for sure there wouldn't be that many people, but once I hit the locker room there was a much different picture. Women all over the place getting dressed to go work out others were fixing hair and makeup because they had already worked out. It was something I hadn't witnessed since being on the Basketball team way long ago.

I put my stuff in my locker and dragged my butt up the two flights of stairs. My feet were seriously resisting the steps, it was as if they knew what was about to happen. But we made it and at the top of the stairs in one of the classrooms was an aerobic instructor shouting out numbers to his followers. Thats where I first saw the Pretty People. The women dressed in their matching work out clothes in bright colors. Colors that should never be worn before 9a.m. 8a.m. at the earliest. The men wore shirts that were either tight or showed off their muscley muscles. I directly headed toward my workout machine and looked straight ahead. Before I knew it I was so in tuned with how many calories I was burning that no one else really existed. I listened to Good Morning America and kept on trecking. 30 min had passed and so did 304 calories. Yes!

Showered and dried my hair and dressed and left. The end. I was at work with ten minutes to spare. I have to say I felt good to be amongst the pretty people today. Something about that group of people working out said devoted. Devoted to wake up before most of the rest of the world, work out and break a sweat and then go to work. It made me feel accomplished.

In the future I will wake up a little earlier so I can make sure to get a full hour in. Today I only got 30 min in. I will return after work to ensure I burn more than I consumed this day. Everyone is saying to be careful and not to get burn out. I guess I do seem slightly obsessive but if I don't then I feel like I won't stick with it.

I want to be one of the Pretty People who order a salad with ease and don't get tempted by all the wonderful fried foods on the menu. (Maybe they do get tempted but they don't seem like it.)
I want to be one of the Pretty People who wake up and work out and look all put together by the time I hit my desk in the morning. I want to be one of the Pretty People who have adopted this as a lifestyle. The person that others look at and say she looks great. Now granted these are not my only reasons for this venture, but its my conceited reasons and right now I am using it as fuel.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Hunger and starvation

I am only on day 2 of calorie counting misery and already I want something ooey gooey and preferably cheesy with some sour cream. MMMMM. I'll get over it . . . really I will.

Had a co-worker offer me some chocolate and I took it! But I didn't eat it, it lays in my desk drawer, calling my name. I thought I would save it for an emergency but the longer it is in there the more I want to take it out and peel off the silvery wrapper and eat it. I looked at the calorie content too, it was lik 250 calories for 3 whole pieces. Really?! Really?! Not fair, its 83 calories for something that won't do anything good for me. When I had an apple this morning for less calories and it was at least providing my body with nutirents. Like how I am talking myself out of ever wanting that piece of chocolate as long as I live. Yup definitely throwing it away.

I worked out on this different kind of elliptical yesterday. It changes position so that you are pushing or pulling with the arms and you pedal. Somehow not only did it work out my arms and legs but my abs are sore today also. I don't know if it is just cause my body is like "what the H" are you doing after almost a month of not working out. Or is it just how awesome that machine was.

Mom and I went shopping and were very careful about what we purchased. Of the purchases today's lunch was a hit. The best part though was the discovery of Yoplait yogurt thick and creamy in the flavor of cinnamon roll. I took my time and ate it and pretended it was the icing that went on real cinnamon rolls. It was 100 calories yummers!

So far I have consumed 689 calories. Not too bad. Supposedly for my height and weight I am to consume 1800 calories a day to lose weight. That seems like a lot. I met exactly 1800 yesterday. Today I should fall under that.

Tomorrow morning I will be waking up at 5:30am and rolling out of bed and going straight to the gym. I plan to work out for an hour and then get ready at the gym for work. I look forward to seeing how this effects me. Since they say you have to burn more calories than you consume and 3,500 calories equals a pound I have to find a way to disperse the calorie burnage so I am not spending my whole evening at the gym and getting home real late.

Wish me luck!

Saturday, January 2, 2010


I have another possible intro to the book. I posted it on my writing blog. Comments appreciated.

Its a New Year!

Head em' up and move em' out! 2009 is gone! Woo hoo. Sorry I could not be happier, that what was probably the toughest year of my life. I am probably being dramamtic here but hey there was some changes, some transitions . . . some of them were good and some of them royally sucked!

Graduating a year ago I had much different visions of where I would be now. But que sara I am still working at the same bloomin' job I have been working for since March of 2006. Its a fine job, it pays the bills and its not all that hard. Could do without some of the drama and some of the stress people create. I don't like tension and I don't like drama, both make me feel highly uncomfortable and its been a bunch of that in 2009. Finally reached a point where I have "checked out" no longer mentally here. I think I have applied for a million jobs in the last month and will hit the ground even harder witht he coming of the new year. My best friend since 1st grade is no longer my friend, due to moral differences and just plain walking different paths. One of my bestest friends from college up and left me to go to Seattle. I am proud of her for making such a bold move and while she is having many ups and downs I know this is a time in her life she will look back on and be happy she did it. Its been difficult not to have her right there, its hard to have such a crappy day and know she isn't a 20-30 min drive away from meeting me for cheesefries and a beer. MMMM beer. Thankfully my other bestie is still local and gotten even more so, since she will be moving in with her boyfriend this month, that should prove for some interesting stories. Brother went off to school and hopefully is doing some growing up.

J got a job which is freakin awesome. Do you know how awesome it is to not have to worry if your boyfriend is gonna make rent, how awesome it is to go out to dinner without having the discussion of "how much money do you have." Its been a huge relief.

This year has to be better, it has to be an improvement. First off my motto for the year. 2010 the year to be thin!!! Haha I like it.

I will reach my goals this year. I have already made a deal with myself to make some drastic changes this year. Many motivations have come up. Since J has been talking more about marriage and such, developing these good habits early on is something I think would be good for us in the long run. I know J is unhappy with the weight he gained through his unemployment and I think that if we can just do this together it would be great. Then of course there is the added motivation of fitting into a swimsuit for when I go see my friend Tricia in Florida. Tricia was one of my best friends in highschool and college. However she was always small and petite and I always felt like her fat friend even when I was thinner in highschool. Well I was in her wedding in Hawaii and I remember being the only girl "at least in my mind" constantly worrying about how I looked and comparing myself to the rest of them. When I go to see her I would like to be able to join her on the beach in a swimsuit and know I look good too.

I will finish my book this year. Recently I've been working on honing my creative skills again. Lauren says I need to stop writing like a reporter, which is damn hard since that's what I have done for at least the last 5 years. So now its time to learn how to write pretty again. So I have been researching the great female authors of all time. I focused on female because lets face it, women writers of long ago were a treasure and they didn't know it then. The fact that they are still revered way after their deaths is a beautiful tribute to a path that was being carved even before they knew they were doing it. Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte and Margaret Mitchell have been my teachers the last few weeks. I will move on eventually but currently they are serving me well I do believe.

I hope everyone had a great New Years and I sincerely wish 2010 to be phenomenal for everyone. Much love!