All worries come from fear

I am afraid of instability. It's the reason I plan my entire life in a little compact book and know exactly what I am doing 2 weeks ahead of time. It's why I can't make plans with friends or family without consulting the planner first. Why I constantly look for a job with better pay, having enough money is also a great part of the stability feeling. The list goes on. I unfortunately have little control over this factor, so I feel like working out is the one thing I do have control over. It might be why I am doing better at sticking with it. Since I have discovered this fear I have been trying to create stability in life and not worry about the things I can't change. Continuing to apply and seek better opportunites career-wise is what I CAN DO. Making someone hire me or give me more opportunities is something I CAN'T DO.

I have the added goal of scheduling less things also. This Thursday is the last day I am scheduled for OT in BFE. And I won't be volunteering for a while. Additionally once I have my old roomie's wedding out of the way I will be strictly protecting my free time. Now this is a huge task indeed and is for no other purpose than to protect my sanity and maybe breathe a little better. I need to quit overbooking myself. I enjoy being busy but there is a limit and there is no reason for me to be this busy. Used to I felt like if you weren't busy then you weren't being productive and that was a sign of laziness or loser-ness on some level. Now I am slowly learning that enjoying my free time is enjoying life. That is not to say I won't do anything during my free time, but just not plan for the fun as much, let it happen more naturally.

We'll see how this goes, it has never been my nature but people do have the ability to change so they say.