Updated

Too much going on! Last Thursday I interviewed for the Dallas Alternative Certification program and after the interview she said that she was reccomending me for the program. Yay! Now I am having to prep for the TEXES which is the state board test. This is the first of two standardized tests. Seems a bit unfair that they get this process going so close to time for the actual training to start. It leaves basically no room to goof on the test. So while things are not set it is looking better for me. If nothing else I know I want to work toward this so if I bomb the test I can keep studying and try again. Standardized tests are NOT my thing. Why can't people just let me write essays for everything. That is my forte! So day after the interview . . . I am relieved its over however still very worried about the whole thing. Qustioning whether this is the right decision for me.

I mean I went to college thinking "I want to be a journalist. I want to travel the world and I want to write about things that matter. Be a vessel of information unto the masses." That's what I want to do. I have awesome research skills, the ability to work under deadline and people want to tell me things even when I don't ask. Did I mention I am nosey as hell. See to me these are the perfect makings of a journalist, a profession I still think I would be good at. However I had all these grand ideas in mind prior to ever wanting to be married or ever wanting to have kids. I didn't really think I wanted either of those things and fate liked me . . . so since fate liked me I would fall in love with a photojournalist and we would travel the world reporting together, me writing and him snapping shots. Our stories would be our children and we would write a book and live happily ever after.

Well fate had other ideas in mind. When I finally shook the lead weight of boyfriend, whom I never planned on marrying but had somehow occupied 3 years of my college career, I was free. My plans for becoming what I had always wanted to be were full fledged in motion. I interned at a newspaper, I worked 2 jobs, went to school full time and worked for the school paper as well. Looking back I have zero idea how I did it. Getting little to no sleep wasn't a big deal back then and somehow I still managed to have a social life . . . a gooood one too.

During my internship I did a series of stories on the scarcity of foster homes in North Texas. During an interview about a child's advocacy center I learned a lot and found myself in tears hurt for these children. It was then that I felt a new calling to help children. I even remember looking up the adoption website, wishing I had the means to do something for them. The spark had been ignited and while it was a low burning flame, there were a few things I had a passion for. Writing, spreading knowledge and children.

Shortly before I graduated I accidentally found myself in another relationship. After 1.5 years single I was with J. He says he fell for me because I was going to be a writer. I say I fell for him because he had his crap together already. Boy were we wrong. In the midst I graduated and there was no hot awesome newspaper job waiting. Sadness. Somewhere in there J mentioned that I should be a teacher. I don't know how he knows these things he just does, he says he has that ability. So of course since he suggests it I ignore it.

Now here I am a little over a year after I graduated and sitting here depressed and defeated. But wait hope . . . an angel! During my training, a lovely trainee told me I would make a good teacher, now since J's statement that had been told to me a few more times but my trainee saying it woke me up. I would be good at that! So my trainee finds an info session on alternative certification for DISD and now that's what I am driving myself crazy with. Tomorrow I begin test prep courses, I will be in Dallas from 7am to 915pm. Once again nothing is for sure but I like working toward a goal.